Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. 1 Thessalonians 5:14
When regular school attendance is made impossible for a time because of an on-going health problem or a family crisis, school systems will usually allow students to be considered “homebound” so they can do their schoolwork from home for a time.
I recently read a Facebook discussion paralleling this idea when it comes to adults and church attendance. These were comments from people who had been through something very difficult and just weren’t ready to be around people again. They were watching church online and staying home as much as possible in an effort at self-care. They were doing life “homebound” while trying to heal from various traumatic experiences.
Also on Facebook a while back, Brad Harrub at Focus Press released the results of a survey asking people why they left the church. The results are somewhat surprising because we tend to think of those who leave as “weak,” yet the majority of those who responded said they had been regular attendees who were highly involved in the works of the church before leaving. I received similar responses when I asked on Facebook why people don’t like church.
The parable of the sower and the soils (see Matthew 13:1-23) describes four types of people. Some reject the gospel outright (wayside). Some are faithful (good soil). And in between there are the two types who start serving God but never grow (rocks and thorns). It’s hard to grow when you never attend church services, but the Facebook posts mentioned above suggest that the reasons people stop attending are actually quite nuanced, and often cause for compassion.
Yet when someone leaves a church, it’s always cause for concern. Before and after that happens, the other members, and the leadership especially, have a responsibility to try to get that person to stay; to address whatever issue has them reeling to that extent; whether it is a problem at church or in their personal life; whether the person is generally perceived as being in the wrong or in the right. We are the body of Christ. We cannot ignore members leaving any more than we would ignore it if our finger were cut off our hand.
But the person who is leaving has a responsibility too. They may try their best to work things out, yet, not being able to, start going to a different church. But it isn’t okay just to quit church altogether. It doesn’t matter how involved you were; if you give up on church, you’re still being choked out by the rocks and thorns.
So, what about someone who stops attending because they’re grieving? I have known people who were at worship services within 24 hours of losing a loved one tragically and suddenly, but for most of us that would not be realistic. We all grieve differently. But if your inclination is to stay home for an extended time, I would encourage you to consider the following:
- Are you keeping in touch with the elders and other members of your congregation?
- Are you finding other ways to fulfill the “one another” commands such as to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), to “serve one another” (Galatians 5:13), and to “comfort each other and edify one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)?
The problem with grief or anxiety as a reason to be absent from services long-term is that it can hardly be questioned. It allows the person to remove themselves largely from any accountability to the elders of their church. It may be a legitimate reason to miss services for a while, but it shouldn’t become a “get out of church free” card that is held onto permanently. The person may have all the best intentions of returning eventually, yet Satan is very skilled at using our inclination to habit against us.
The New Testament has a great deal to say about how Christians can and should comfort one another. When health issues keep us from church, being able to watch online is such a blessing! But if you’re struggling with discouragement, grief, or anxiety, church should not be a place to avoid indefinitely. It should be part of the solution.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Dear God, please help me to find the right balance between self-care and fulfilling my responsibilities toward my brethren. May I never be lacking in compassion toward those who are hurting. Give me wisdom as to how I can best comfort them and encourage them to stay faithful through the hard times. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
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