But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand.
Isaiah 64:8
I love going to see my reflexologist. She uses her hands to manipulate my feet, get the blood flowing, and help them feel better. Consider also how the potter uses his hands to mold the clay into whatever shape he desires. The puppeteer controls the puppet with his hands, making it do what he wants. All of these get to the first meaning of the word manipulation at etymonline.com: “the skillful handling of objects.”
But it’s the second meaning, the “handling or managing of persons, especially to one’s own advantage,” that gives the word a negative connotation.
We are born manipulators, in a way. We might joke about a new baby being a little manipulator because whenever he cries, we jump to provide what he needs. But it’s just a joke because crying is his only means of communication.
As he approaches one year of age, things begin to shift. Now when the baby cries for something, we don’t always give it to him. When he drops a toy repeatedly just for the pleasure of watching us pick it up, eventually we refuse, even though he may cry. We are teaching him not to be a manipulator.
But we humans are, still, natural manipulators, and as children we pick up on lots of ways to continue manipulating. Why do children throw tantrums, or whine, or beg, or even bat their eyelashes in an adorable side-long glance? To get their way, of course. And sometimes it works. If it never worked, they would eventually stop doing it… at least theoretically. Once behaviors like these become habits, they can be hard to give up, even if they start to bring about undesirable results.
One of our jobs as parents and as teachers is to help children learn to graciously accept not getting their way.
Rather than allowing school-age kids to beg or whine, I like to give them these instructions that I read somewhere years ago: you may, without whining, respectfully ask an authority figure to reconsider a decision, but you can only appeal once, and you have to give a reason or some information that perhaps the parent or teacher didn’t have when the original decision was made. If they still reject the request, you must accept it graciously and move on.
Many of us adults would do well to consider these guidelines too because we also can be manipulative. We seek our own advantage; we maneuver to get what we want; and sometimes we do it in subtle ways that allow us to feel morally superior.
C.S. Lewis wrote:
“Did we pretend to be angry about one thing when we knew, or could have known, that our anger had a different and much less presentable cause? Did we pretend to be “hurt” in our sensitive and tender feelings…when envy, ungratified vanity, or thwarted self-will was our real trouble? Such tactics often succeed. The other parties give in. They give in not because they don’t know what is really wrong with us but because they have long known it only too well…It needs surgery which they know we will never face. And so we win; by cheating. But the unfairness is very deeply felt. Indeed what is commonly called “sensitiveness” is the most powerful engine of domestic tyranny, sometimes a lifelong tyranny.” (from Reflections on the Psalms)
The word manipulation comes from the Latin for handful. Oh, we humans can be a handful alright. No one knows that better than the Lord. He’s always trying to teach us not to manipulate to get our own way, but rather to accept His way; not to take things into our own hands, but to leave them in His.
Not all manipulating is bad. My reflexologist does needed repair work on my feet. And no one criticizes the potter for shaping the clay, or the puppet master for making the puppet move. As our Creator, God is the one who should be in control, shaping us and directing our movements as He sees fit, doing whatever repair work is needed. Amazingly, He doesn’t do it for His advantage, but for ours.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Dear God, it is so hard to give up on my own will. I ask the help of Your Holy Spirit that I might learn to accept it graciously when I don’t get my way. Heavenly Father, please forgive me for the times I have tried to manipulate other people, and help me to see the subtle ways that I sometimes fall to this temptation. Remind me daily that only Your hands can provide the things that I truly need. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
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Life is often pictured as a road, and even Jesus talked about the “narrow way” and the “broad way.” But in The Analogy of the Glass Wall, life is pictured as a road that runs in two opposite directions with a glass wall cutting across it. Each of us is walking in one direction or the other, but not always with intentionality. Do we know where our path is leading us? Infused with numerous Bible references, The Analogy of the Glass Wall encourages us to consider how our choices determine the direction of our lives. This thought-provoking teaching tool was originally devised for Bible students in a local jail ministry, but it can be used with anyone. Youth group leaders and teachers of teens or new converts might find it especially useful for helping students visualize how their everyday decisions impact their future. The Analogy of the Glass Wall: which side are you on? (Average read time: about 30 minutes)