If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:8-9
Not long ago at the jail, during a discussion of the difficulty of seeing and admitting one’s own sins, there was a moment of quiet, and then one woman said emphatically, “Imagine my surprise when I realized not everything was my husband’s fault!” It was a nice moment of levity; everyone had a chuckle over her comment. But I was also proud that she had made that specific application from a very broad discussion. We weren’t talking about marriage, but that was a clear example in her life where the idea applied.
I said to her, “You might have divorced if that hadn’t happened.”
She replied, “I’ve been married to the same man for 23 years, but yes, it did save us from divorce at that time.”
Even though we know that Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate,” (Matthew 19:6b), when someone thinks the entire balance of relationship problems lies at the other person’s feet, it gets very difficult to honor that command. If a person can’t see that they, too, bear some blame, they’re likely to end up in the divorce courts, separating permanently from the spouse God joined them to.
But this is not just a problem in marriage. Someone who can’t see or accept their own faults will end up divorced from others too. They may end up separated from other family members or from friends who were once “closer than a brother” or sister (Proverbs 18:24b). They will likely experience separation from business partners, from neighbors, from fellowship with a church (or churches). Ironically, since they see the other party as the one to blame, sometimes they are the ones who initiate such separation.
Ultimately this kind of pride could cause them to be divorced from God.
“Your iniquities have separated you from your God,” (Isaiah 59:2).
That same night at the jail we talked about how easy it is to make excuses and shift blame by pointing out others’ faults. We want to justify ourselves, but as I said to the ladies that night, even if my bad behavior was triggered by someone else’s bad behavior, if what I did is wrong, it’s wrong and I need to confess it.
You’re probably familiar with the wild image Jesus used in Matthew 7 of a plank (rod, log) in the eye. He asked, “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” (v.3). How could someone have a whole log stuck in their eye and do anything other than try to get it out?! Perhaps Jesus chose this particular metaphor because sometimes it’s the sin itself that makes it hard for us to see clearly. If I think the other person is entirely to blame, it may be the very sin of pride making it hard for me to see my own fault in the matter.
You’ve probably known someone who always blamed everyone else for the problems in their lives. Hopefully that’s not you or me. But! We still have sin. And if we don’t acknowledge it before God and ask for forgiveness, we become like the Pharisee in Luke 18:11(HCSB) who prayed, “God, I thank You that I’m not like other people — greedy, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.” If we can see everyone else’s sin but not our own, we need to be praying for God to open our eyes to what our sin is. Furthermore, as that tax collector did (Luke 18:13), we might pray without so much as raising our eyes to heaven but beating our breast saying “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”
Dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5b NLT
by Christie Cole Atkins
Heavenly Father, whatever it is that keeps me from seeing my own sin, please show me where I need to change. Help me to look honestly at my life and at Your word so that I can live in peace with You and with my fellow man. I thank You for Your promise to cleanse me from my sins through Jesus Christ. I confess my sinfulness to You and ask for Your mercy. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
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