Pride v. Shame

When pride comes, then comes shame;
But with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

For the month of June, I’ll be sharing some thoughts on the subject of pride. It is Pride Month, after all.

I’ll start by confessing, once again, that I was a schoolgirl know-it-all. People praised me for being smart and that made me feel good about myself… until I would say something foolish, make a mistake, or meet up with someone smarter than I. Then my pride began to buckle under the weight of another emotion: shame.

Have you felt a similar tension? Perhaps you are proud of how strong or how attractive you are.. until someone more buff or more beautiful comes along. Maybe you see good deeds as a competition, and if you don’t win, you wonder if you’re really a good person.

From about two years old, we have what seems like a constant arm wrestling match going on between our sense of personal pride and our sense of personal shame.

I’ve written (here) about balancing virtues. Try picturing pride and shame as the extremes on a continuum. In this chart, they are labeled as pride and degradation.

The term degradation is particularly interesting because it seems these days people are degrading themselves on purpose and then taking pride in it. Have you heard about the young woman who bragged on social media about her plan to sleep with 100 men in one day? Then another woman upped the ante by supposedly sleeping with 1,000 men in a day. The video clips I’ve seen of them speaking on it afterward clearly show that it didn’t produce a feeling of pride but rather of degradation. Whether they recognized that feeling as shame, I wonder.

There is a Proverb that goes right along with this idea.

When pride comes, then comes shame;
But with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

God doesn’t want us living in either pride or shame. Rather, He wants us to be humble.

Pride goeth before destruction,
and an haughty spirit before a fall.
Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly,
than to divide the spoil with the proud.
Proverbs 16:18-19 KJV

It’s a tricky business. People, especially children, do need to be complimented and encouraged so they don’t become overwhelmed with nothing but shame over their mistakes. But praise is one of the very things that tempts us to think too highly of ourselves. And just as pride goes before the fall, the fall leads us right back to shame.

What were you praised for as a child? What do people honor you for now? If your sense of self-worth relies on the answer to those questions, you will be at the mercy of shame whenever the compliments fade or someone surpasses you in that area. Until you recognize that your intrinsic value as a human being is not wrapped up in your talent, your job, your money, your looks, your sexuality, your family, or your intelligence, you will fight the tug-of-war.

When you recognize that your intrinsic value as a human being is rooted in the fact that you were created by God in His image for His purposes, you can find the balance between pride and shame.

Hear and give ear:
Do not be proud,
For the LORD has spoken.
Give glory to the LORD your God
Before He causes darkness,
And before your feet stumble
On the dark mountains,
And while you are looking for light,
He turns it into the shadow of death
And makes it dense darkness.
But if you will not hear it,
My soul will weep in secret for your pride;
My eyes will weep bitterly
And run down with tears,
Because the LORD’s flock has been taken captive.
Jeremiah 13:15-17

As much as it feels like Pride and Shame are in a constant tug-of-war, the truth is that Satan uses them as a team to work against us. We must not let either shame or pride win. Rather, let us be humble and “give glory to the LORD [our] God.” When you stop seeking man’s approval and start seeking God’s, pride and shame will both lose. And that means you win.

Dear Heavenly Father, I know that everything good in me comes from You, and I know You have washed away my sin and shame by the blood of Jesus Christ. Help me to be humble before You and indeed before all people. Help me to find my self-worth in Christ alone. I pray in Jesus’s name, Amen.

by Christie Cole Atkins

Other related reading:

Thank Who?