Miserable Comforters

Then Job answered and said: “I have heard many such things; Miserable comforters are you all!
Job 16:2

Have you ever been offered comfort by someone who tried too hard to help you make sense of it? Sometimes we just need other people to hold our hands and weep with us.

I’ve often heard cautions about what NOT to say to people who are mourning, and I’ve very much needed that guidance. I have often said the wrong thing, much like Job’s friends. He had lost his wealth, all his children, and his health, yet his friends wanted to reason with him. And their reasoning was that Job must have brought the calamity on himself through some sin. Job called them “miserable comforters!”

But mourners themselves can fall into a trap, too, when they are tempted to seek comfort from things rather than people, and rather than God. Since no one can fully understand another person’s sorrow, grief can make us feel like we don’t want to be around anyone. And sometimes those who are mourning do need some space and solitude to process their emotions.

But if in that isolation we begin to turn to things like alcohol or drugs so we can forget the pain for a little while, we have come to a dangerous place. Addictive pleasures are miserable comforters indeed, offering only very temporary relief from pain, and accompanied by a whole new set of problems that often leave the person worse off in the end.

Yet on a smaller scale, I don’t have to be an addict or in mourning to make a similar mistake. What is my go-to for daily comfort after a long, stressful day? A hot bath, a cup of tea, and a good book? Maybe I try to escape through television, or video games, or online shopping. We often train our children to turn to food for comfort by offering them candy in response to every scraped knee. Paul said in I Corinthians 6:12, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful…I will not be brought under the power of any.” Even if we don’t become addicted to these things (and sometimes we do), they can still divert us from the best comfort.

So what is the best comfort available?

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Some of the things we turn to for comfort are provided by God and are good in moderation. But for the deepest comfort we need to remember to turn to God. That may mean praying, reading His word, or simply counting on the Holy Spirit to make “intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered,” (Romans 8:26). A close second is turning to the spiritual family God has provided. Yes, a brother or sister may say the wrong thing, but one purpose of the church is to “weep with those who weep,” (Romans 12:15).

Where I turn for comfort in small distresses will likely be the place I turn in my darkest moments too, and vice versa.

In this world you will have trouble (John 16:33).

Why should we turn to the source of our troubles to comfort us in those troubles?

On the other hand, Jesus is a High Priest who can sympathize with us. “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need,” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

“Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

At times I have failed miserably to comfort others and myself in the wisest way. So let me learn from Jesus. He knows what it is like to suffer (I Peter 2:21), and He’s the One who has overcome the world. Let’s turn to him in all our troubles. He’s the perfect comforter!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for providing so many forms of comfort that truly help when I am hurting. Please help me to avoid short-term distractions from pain that cause more harm in the long run. May I ever turn to You as the God of all comfort. And please give me wisdom to know how to be a source of comfort to others. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

by Christie Cole Atkins