The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26
Recently I asked the women at the jail to think of two or three names of people who had been a good influence on them. You can try it too. It might be a family member, or a teacher from your school days, or neighbors, like the old couple who lived next door to my family when I was a kid. Their names were Mike and Ann Sagan, and they would give my sister and me cookies every time we went to their house. If our ball flew over the fence into their yard, Mike opened the gate with a smile so we could get it. They were a living picture of kindness.
But that night at the jail there was one young lady who said she couldn’t think of a single name, not one person who had been a good influence in her life. She said, “I always made bad choices.”
Now that, to me, was very interesting.
It was interesting that her first thought was to take responsibility for never having had a good influence in her life. I replied to her, “But what about when you were a child? We don’t have much control over our associations when we’re little.” She just kind of shrugged her shoulders.
My lesson that night was on choosing companions wisely, but that must be hard to do if you’re never around anyone who meets the criteria for being a good influence. Not everyone had Mike and Ann Sagan for next-door neighbors. Not everyone was taken to church three times a week from the day they were born.
But surely we all had some teachers who were good influences, right? I certainly did.
Well, I found out that night, not everyone did. I pressed another gal to think of a teacher who had been a good influence, and she, too, just kind of shrugged her shoulders, wracking her brain for a name. None came to her mind.
At some point, and in some ways, it can be our fault. There were probably good teachers trying to influence these ladies when they were younger. Perhaps they didn’t want to pay attention. Perhaps they were so used to a different type of influence, they weren’t able to read the positive message in front of them.
Now that they do have the power to choose and the ability to see the need for good influences, how can they connect with better companions? Furthermore, how do they break off unhelpful ties? It’s the wise thing to do, but that doesn’t make it easy.
What makes it hard to opt out of a relationship even when we know we need to?
Love— some people provide what we need emotionally in some areas, though they cause us to stumble in others.
Guilt— we may have made promises to the person, or feel that we owe the person something.
Need— the person may be providing us with basic needs that we don’t know how else to supply.
Fear— some people threaten to retaliate, with emotional and/or physical pain, if we reject them.
Without good influences, it’s hard to know how to set boundaries wisely and safely. And it’s tempting to believe that my case will be the exception to the general truth that “evil company corrupts good habits,” (1 Corinthians 15:33). But nothing changes the truth or the wisdom of Scripture.
We also need to remember the positive side of the equation. Yes, “a companion of fools suffers harm,” but if you “walk with the wise,” you can become wise (Proverbs 13:20). As I told the ladies in our study that night, good people want to help those who want help.
If your mind is flooded with names and faces when I ask who has been a good influence in your life, count your blessings! And then, pay it forward. There are people out there who would love to have a friend like you.
Dear God, I am thankful for the good influences in my life, both past and present. I pray for those who find themselves surrounded by selfish and worldly people. May they have the courage to seek You. Please provide for their needs, and if it is Your will to use me to help someone in this way, may I be willing to say, “Here am I, Lord. Send me.” In Jesus’s name, Amen.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Grammar Nerd Bonus:
They gave my sister and me cookies is grammatically correct. Take out my sister and, and you’ll see why. We wouldn’t say, They gave I cookies. “I” is only used when it is part of the subject of a sentence. 🤓
Walk Worthy 