Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another.” Hebrews 10:24-25a (NLT)
We’ve all been in that awkward situation at a party where we don’t see anyone we know, aren’t sure where to sit or stand, and just feel really out of place. But church is a place where everyone is welcome and it’s all about God and so there’s never any awkwardness, right? WRONG.
The main point of church is to worship God, but the fact is, it is also a type of social situation, and that means that yes, even at church, things can get awkward.
When you’re new, almost everything can feel awkward. You might not even be able to tell where to park or what door you’re supposed to use to enter the building! If you’re lucky there will be a greeter to make eye contact with you and answer basic questions about where to go. But then, where to sit? This may be a really uncomfortable decision, especially if you’ve visited other places where someone told you that you were in “their” seat.
Then there are the awkward conversations as people, who may not be especially skilled in the great Art of Conversation, try to make you feel welcome. Even worse is when no one speaks to you at all.
Even if you’re not new, there’s always a risk that you will get stuck in an awkward conversation or an awkward position. Ever waited to move past someone when there was barely enough room to squeeze by and then, right when you made your move, they shifted and you ran into them?
Perhaps we hear more about social anxiety now than in the past, but it’s always existed. There are people out there with clinical social anxiety who need psychological treatment just to function. But there is also normal social anxiety; and it’s normal because everyone experiences it. Sometimes we respond to it by canceling plans with friends or ditching the party as soon as we realize we don’t know anyone there. We sometimes avoid being around people at all when we suspect that the situation will lead to uncomfortable feelings and awkward interactions.
I imagine it must have been awkward when Paul withstood Peter to the face in front of everyone, calling him out on his hypocrisy (Galatians 2:11-14). Why would Paul make everyone so uncomfortable like that? It’s not a perfect analogy to the situations described above, but maybe there’s still a lesson we can draw. Paul did what he believed was right and necessary, even if it made people uncomfortable. We might avoid making ourselves uncomfortable by not attending public worship services. But is that the right thing to do? If it’s right and good to join in corporate worship, then that’s what we should do. Even if we have to suffer through an awkward moment or two, we can take comfort in knowing that we’re doing what’s right.
Here are a few tips on dealing with awkwardness at church:
Arrive early enough that you can take a few moments to observe a bit before choosing a seat.
As you look around, make eye contact with people and smile. You don’t have to start a conversation, but give others the chance to start one with you.
It’s okay to say, “I’m not sure where to go,” or “This is my first time here.”
If you say the wrong thing, own it, but don’t go on and on about it. Don’t say things like, “I know I’m just so weird! Sorry I’m such a weirdy weirdo!” Try saying something simple like, “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
Realize that everyone feels awkward at times.
“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too,” (Philippians 2:4 NLT). Look for others who may be feeling uncomfortable and give them a smile and a kind word. Ask people to tell you something about themselves. Then all you have to do is listen, smile, and maybe, if you’re feeling feisty, ask a follow-up question.
Finally, once the service begins, do your best to block out everything else. Remember why you came. Don’t let anything keep you from worshiping God.
God, sometimes I don’t feel like being around other people because it can cause awkwardness and pain. But I know You have called us into relationship, not just with You, but with the body of Christ. Give me the strength to go wherever You send me, and remind me that You are with me. Help me, Lord! In Jesus’s name, Amen.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Related Reading:
Walk Worthy 