When wisdom enters your heart,
And knowledge is pleasant to your soul,
Discretion will preserve you;
Understanding will keep you.
Proverbs 2:10-11
In southeast Missouri where I grew up, Cardinals fans are everywhere, along with Cardinals attire and merchandise. I used to go to games a few times every season. But when I moved to Tennessee, suddenly I found myself neighbor to Braves fans and even (shudder) some Cubs fans. So I really appreciate those Tennesseans who love the Cardinals like I do.
C.S. Lewis said that friendship is born when two people discover they have a common interest, opinion, or feeling “which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” God, of course, is the only one who can know us perfectly. But what a joy it is to find someone who understands us and shares our interests! Finally! Another Cardinals fan! Someone who gets me!
We each long to feel that someone understands us, but friendship is a two-way street. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” Perhaps we could also say that a person who wants to be understood by others must seek to understand others.
Obviously there are personality differences that sometimes make it harder (or easier) to connect with people. The study of personality types can improve our ability to connect with various people and to better understand ourselves as well. Over the next couple of weeks I plan to share some thoughts about a few of the personality typing systems I have studied, but first, there are some things to keep in mind about these systems in general.
- It’s not good to pigeon-hole people, including yourself. People are often a combination of two “types” and may bleed into a different type when things get stressful or when things are going especially well. We’re not the same personality type all the time in every situation.
For example, when someone (not me, of course) who is normally very conflict-avoidant is pushed too far, they may suddenly turn into a fighter, stand up for their beliefs, and in turn create a conflict they may later regret. Whether the person (not me) was right or wrong is not the point. With enough stress, the personality “changes,” so to speak. (Ok, it WAS me.)
- These systems usually start with teaching you about yourself first. After all, that’s the only person you can change. So learn why you do the things you do (or don’t do) and how that behavior affects others. You may be able to “type” someone else correctly, but you can’t make them use the information to change, which is often what we’re really hoping for.
And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? (Luke 6:41)
- The online tests are fun, but they’re not always accurate. You really need to read more thoroughly if you want true understanding. Plus, these results tend to focus on the positives so that everyone walks away feeling good about themselves. Which leads to my next point.
- Every personality has its good qualities and its bad qualities. In fact, almost any given quality can be good or bad depending on the situation and on how that trait is expressed.
For example, people who make decisions quickly sometimes do so rashly and make a mistake. But in some cases, there’s little time to deliberate and being able to go with your gut is an asset. (Definitely NOT me!)
One personality type is not better than another, so try to become the healthiest, most well-adjusted version of whatever type you are. Don’t over-focus on the relief of “Finally! Someone understands me!” that you may feel when you find that chapter that just explains you so well. That is a great feeling, but the benefit comes when we’re able to look honestly at how some of those qualities may contribute to problems in our lives. Being honest with ourselves is the hard part. The truth will set you free, but as Gable Price sings, “not before it rips your chest out!”
…to be continued
Dear God, I thank You for all the relationships in my life, but I don’t always handle them very wisely. I ask for wisdom to understand my past and my personality so that I can be a better friend to others. And when others do or say things that don’t make sense to me, I ask for better understanding, compassion, and patience. Help me not to use my personality as an excuse for bad behavior. Please conform me to the image of Christ. In His name, Amen.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Walk Worthy 