Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.
Luke 6:37b-38
I recently watched a movie called “Small Group,” about a couple who pretend to be Christians so they can join a small group at a local church. To avoid spoilers, I won’t tell you why, but I found the movie funny, thought-provoking, and very moving. (It has at least one very serious scene that I would caution parents about.) But at one point the wife says that forgiveness isn’t natural. And I think she’s right.
Last week I wrote about forgiving others. There are a lot of things that can make forgiveness difficult. Sometimes it’s the size of the debt in our minds. But as we noticed last week from the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18), if we want to receive forgiveness, we must be willing to give it.
I wonder if those who have the hardest time forgiving others are the people who have the hardest time accepting forgiveness from God. After all, we don’t deserve it; it isn’t fair for God to just forgive us. But this over-active sense of justice comes at the cost of grace. If we can’t accept grace, we can’t give it. If we don’t give it, we won’t receive it. We have to embrace what the Lord’s brother wrote in James 2:13: Mercy triumphs over judgment.
Another difficulty to consider is whether we have to forgive someone if that person doesn’t apologize or ask for forgiveness. I’ve heard it said that forgiveness is a transaction between two parties– the one asking for forgiveness and the one giving it. God expects us to be humble enough to ask for forgiveness.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” (I John 1:9).
We ask and He forgives.
But Jesus doesn’t make that distinction in Matthew 6:14-15. He doesn’t say, “if you forgive those who ask for forgiveness…” In fact he doesn’t mention anything that would exempt us from the requirement to forgive. Perhaps that is because when we don’t forgive, harmful attitudes begin to germinate in our hearts. (One of those is bitterness which I plan to discuss next week.) Even if the person doesn’t ask for forgiveness and hence no “transaction” can take place, it’s important to remember that “with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you,” (Luke 6:38). God expects a willingness to forgive. This protects our own hearts and minds as much as anything. To harbor resentment is to give Satan an opening.
So whether we’re giving forgiveness or receiving it, it’s for our benefit.
Finally, what if you’ve asked for forgiveness from someone, maybe even a brother or sister in Christ, and they will not give it? Again, a “transaction” cannot take place unless both parties are willing, but you have done all that can be done. Ask God’s forgiveness and try to respect the offended party’s boundaries, even if they are not in keeping with Jesus’s command. Pray for that person. Show “fruits worthy of repentance” (Matthew 3:8) as much as you have opportunity.
If you are struggling with forgiveness, I hope it is not because of some horrific evil that was done to you. But if you are struggling with it, whatever the reason, there is probably some pain that hasn’t been fully dealt with. Forgiveness doesn’t mean denying the pain. Yet, what if biblical forgiveness is the key to breaking cycles of abuse and dysfunction? What if it is the path to healing?
I recently saw a meme quote attributed to someone named George Woodruff:
“The test of Christianity is not loving Jesus. It’s loving Judas.”
Can we love someone who has wronged us? That’s what Jesus has done for us. He loved Judas and He loves us.
Forgiving is not natural. It’s supernatural. Only God does it perfectly and we can only do it by His power and grace. If we’re struggling with it, we need to turn to Him, again and again, for as long as it takes.
Dear God, help forgiveness and mercy to triumph over justice in my own heart and mind, as they do in Yours. Help me to forgive others. If I have sinned against another person who has not forgiven me, I ask for Your forgiveness and for Your blessings on that person. Thank You for Your great mercy unto me, O Lord. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
by Christie Cole Atkins
Walk Worthy 